By: Nathan Foster
Hey, queens HEY! And welcome to the second installment of Queens of Kings all about the closeted kings in history. And if you are just joining the party, you can catch part 1 here.
So, join me in a Queens Podcast edition of the gay ballroom scene, where alleged gay kings will compete against one another in individual categories. In the end, we crown a winner in each category and also crown the Mother of the Year!
The Category Is: Sugar Balls Extravaganza
These Queens of Kings took a ride on the Hershey Highway with a lad or two. In addition, they exhibit the eccentricities of extra-ness by showering their lovers or themselves with that money, honey.
Karl I von Wurttemberg:
Stumbled across a gaggle of gays at the Stuggart Conservatory of music and instantly fell in love. He spent money lavishly renovating their homes and making them barons, while they starred in plays portraying, you guessed it, Piers Gaveston. Karl and his favorite fuckboy, Charles Woodcock would go out in public, flirt, and wear matching outfits. One more time for the back row: flirting, wearing matching outfits with Charles Wood-Cock. It doesn’t get much gayer than that folks!
Emperor Ai of Han
A controlling grandma couldn’t rein this queen in!!! He ascended the throne as an intelligent, articulate, perfect leader…until he got Dong. Dong Xian, that is. One day the two lovers took an afternoon nap after a mid-day romp in the sheets. Xian fell asleep on the emperors’ sleeve and instead of waking his lover, the emperor cut off his sleeve so his lover could sleep peacefully. This queen invented the tear away costume for her sleeping beauty! Awww.
“I mean…what gay doesn’t want that Master of Horse Dick?!?!“
Nathan Foster, Queens Podcast
Richard II of England
Richard II (son in law of our girl Isabeau of Bavaria) apparently fell deeply in love with a man named Robert de Vere. He fell so in love he gave this nobody the title of Earl, which completely alienated Parliament. When Robert de Vere died, Richard ordered his coffin to be opened. He kissed his friend’s hand and gazed at his face longingly one last time. He channeled Jake Gyllenhaal in Brokeback Mountain: “I wish I could quit you”.
Ludwig II of Bavaria
Ludwig was engaged to be married and continually postponed his wedding until his fiancee’s (sister of Sisi) father called it off. Ludwig has an eye for interior design. He spent lavishly building extraordinary castles that not only were replicas of past structures like Versailles but influenced Disney’s Cinderella’s Castle. In his letters and diaries, Ludwig openly discussed his sexuality and was fully aware he was gay. He struggled with his strict Catholic upbringing and his sexuality. Despite this, he probably fucked around with a Bavarian prince, a Hungarian Actor, and his Master of Horse. I mean…what gay doesn’t want that Master of Horse Dick?!?!
And the winner is:
From the House of Han, Emperor Ai: Now I’m no expert in ancient Chinese, but I’m pretty sure it says “The Invention of the Tear Away Gown” in the caption.
That’s it for our second installment of the Kings of Queens! We’ll see you next time!
Do you have a king of queens showdown you’d like to enter for consideration? Let us know!
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